Reading my own blog actually makes me feel as if I’m living my life backwards. And then, after two sighs and three ahaas, I solemnly promise to write more regularly, so that, when I’ll be old, very very old, frail and have nothing to do anymore, I can read them and live in the backstroked reverse gear, once again. Moving on. Loads of things happened in between. So much so that, I can hardly write about all of them together. The lack of a regular net connect freaks me out at times. On other times, this blow-hard-and-the-cheerful-bubble-will-burst world of mine keeps me busy enough to forget about a cyber world. Life, now, actually looks like this sexy long legged lady who’s sitting cross-legged somewhere in my mind. She smokes away rings of happiness and heartbreaks with equal nonchalant-ness, her lip-gloss partly wiped away by frequent licks from a pierced red sharp tongue, her hair long and wild with all the breeze blowing on her face, her kohl-mascara-eyeliner smudged eyes have become infinite pools of black nonexistence. She is not free as she resides in the confines of the cage that holds my mind. And she keeps me imprisoned too. My spirit is captivated inside the pipe she smokes. Happiness eludes me. And grief evades my reasons. I exist. I will exist. The woman with endless legs exists inside me as well. We don’t fit into each other. And hence, there’s always this confusion in the insides. And the insides is what I carry every fucking second in my mind. Among other things, our maid told my mom today “ get your daughter admitted to some nearby school na! 20-25 bochor’er meyerao pore okhane!! O porikkha’te pass kore toh go??” Halfway through med school, I still have to hear this stuff!!! Disillusioned sighs!!! Ma and me had a hearty laugh on this one today. :P :P