It’s just that I’m feeling a bit off-track today. May be it’s the gray skies, or the truck full of pending practical files to be completed and lagging tests in college, or may be just this without reason stomach cramp from the morning….but the depression is depressing me again and how!!! It’s difficult to put up with people with sexed up energies all the time, or with guys who have nothing to do but lust at hips that move….its not easy to live with people who find textbooks more intriguing than stormy rains and sunshine after the blues…. I don’t feel happy somehow, although I have all the reasons to be so now… I want to revamp things, rewind life and re-mix myself. Just want to get sexy in a small black dress, walk in the rain with a fast melting ice-cream and laugh out loud as if no-ones watching….be crazy, and not be embarrassed after being so. I love my train and bus travels so much. Getting a window seat in the direction in which the train moves, the breeze playing with unmanageable side locks, with a good read and headphones that play fine music, no staring passengers of the opposite sex around and I feel nearly happy… Happiness for me is only when…. ….I lay sleepy eyed in bed, back home, late in the morning, after a wonderful sleep and pink laced-fairy taled-prince charming-kissed dreams, having an entire workless day before you…. ….or when I’m close to ma. The smell of boro plus, the sound of red conch shells and 4 gold bangles tinkling in her left hand…..that warm hug during our afternoon naps and a silly cuddling game afterwards….. …..or may be when P’s around….the smell of his chlormint breath….the feel of how his shoulders sway…the look of his cat shaped eyes….or chocolate brownies before lake side romances…. …or when I sit by a breath frosted glass window, rains trickling down the windowpane….a blanket of cloudy grayness over a nonchalant city below…a half written message at hand….thoughts being borne at haste…crying, screaming and finally fleeing away with the gutsy winds of the rain….