I get so very jealous seeing a beautiful girl walk past me. As a child I used to go and snivel in our school chapel asking god to make me attractive. That acceptance from people that “yes you do look good” brings a much needed re-assurance and pride that gets lost somewhere in the normalcy of ordinary life. One compliment from people like “Ohh, your skin is so good”….”You have those typical striking Bengali eyes”…”Where did you get this long nose from?” actually makes my day. My eyes turn green helplessly whenever I find people discussing a distant gorgeous cousin or some friend’s girlfriend whose looks make them swoon. They are discussed as if they are some endangered species n all the exaggerated sycophancies over their looks truly make me sick. All the adulation showered on them remains stuck somewhere in my throat forming a lump too big to be gulped, like a half eaten repugnant food at your aunt’s home which you can neither spit out nor swallow. And similar to the guilt of forgetting your best friend’s birthday, all the flattery stays in my head for days making me conscience of this unappealing gross existence of mine. Whenever I come across someone’s prettiness I start making cerebral evaluations and condemnations of how tacky her clothes are, or may be that her hair is bad, or eyes are too big, and after some time crestfallenly concede that I am simply getting jealous. Well, in any case, I'll have to learn to live with this...