I have thoughts, thoughts that don’t make sense….thoughts that are incoherent….and I’ll write them here…as they have nowhere to settle…nowhere to go…they meander on and on…and here they’ll meet their end tonight….. I don’t know why but I have never learnt to let go. I hold on to bits of my past refusing to let go of things that no longer exists. My past, my present, my future, everything merges together at an indistinct point, refusing to detangle, and hoarsely whispering curses, reeking poison, disturbing the ghost out of me. Although I don’t mind this now, as I know, I’ll move on someday…. I close my eyes and against the darkness of the firmly pressed eyelids, formless red coloured, yellow tinged images are formed….I wait uneasily for them to take shape but my eyeballs shift just at the penultimate moment. The incomplete images hang in there, waiting for completion, which sadly never happens any day… I look around and see most of my friends happily “settled” in secure relationships and how I wish that their smiles stay in place even many years down the line. I hate to see break ups happen, I somehow get insecure myself. I had always believed that love never ends and relationships can never break. A part of you always stays back with the other person, and you continue to live without bits and pieces of yourself……another remnant of your true self… …and how I pray, and wish, and hope, and yearn, and crave, and long, and desire that P and I don’t have a similar fate. I know it’s irrational to think about such stuff when we’re just 2 months into a commitment, but…I don’t know…just that… bhoe lage kokhono kokhono… P, promise me that we’ll stay together, laugh together, rejoice together, cry together, win together, lose together, fight together, age together….. People start a relationship after they’ve known each other; and we’ve started knowing each other after we got into one. It’s strange, but every day I feel that you are a different person from what you were the previous day and I love each and every facade of you that I’ve seen. I love talking about us…..dreaming about us….thinking about us…writing about us…. tumi janoi toh go…je bashi tomake onek bhalo….