I want to withdraw….pack my backs and go away….I don’t know where….but just fade away. I hate listening to people….smiling at the right places, sighing at the proper phrases and still not hearing a word that’s being said. I hate to sit amidst people at dinner, the silly silence overshadowed by the clatter of spoons on plates. I hate to gaze at the empty purple-black-grey night sky as the moon is in hiding of late..... Its not easy anywhere….its not easy with the weather this way….its not easy with masses of unopened books to be read….its not easy when you have to do things that you hate….its not easy to live when you are dying from the inside each day…. I need to take in fresh air fast…or I’ll choke to death.