Mom dad’s shifting. I don’t know which place i will call as home now. I’ll miss a lot of things. The lazy Sunday mornings. Mom cooked food. Evening discussions over tea n chanachur. My impeccably made bed, where innumerable dreams were spun. The corners where I cried after every heart-break. The balcony from where stars were stared upon at midnight. My childhood. My growing up years. The innumerable memories attached to every nook and corner of our house for 11 years. Situations make us grow up. Without warnings they come and go, while we stand in the side lines just staring, flabbergasted, perplexed. Admitting the changes with tears… but failing to accept them. P says I’m confused. Well I m not. My life has always been a distorted haze of assorted emotions. Most of them never came out. And the ones that did were hushed and concealed back, never allowed to break free. Deep down somewhere, there’s this storm that they’ve created. Of a lost identity, of an uncertainty, of a dilemma that I fear to acknowledge. When you know you are fucked yet find peace in it, pleasure is what prevails then after. If things had been right, I wouldn’t have been who I am today, wouldn’t have been where I am today. All the shit around whispers motivation, the drive to go forward, towards nothingness, across you, beyond us, passing by sleeping souls in your dreaming city, flying over the spell of betrayals-denials-sleeplessness-tears-loneliness. I love being this eternal romantic trapped inside a procrastinating self charmer. I know I am all messed up, but that’s how the chaotic child inside me prefers to live. Living romances and spinning dreams….of freedom…of salvation…of peace…of happiness. Of times when we’ll be together…doing nothing.

Being just happy.