I really want to look back and still stand strong, not blinking. I want to smile, proud of my problem tooth. Unperturbed. Just smiling. I don’t want my pillow to hear my grumbles all night anymore. I don’t want to wince every time they pass by, every time they cross my thoughts. I want things to appear good, without actually changing them. Stand still and be happy, even with all the wrong voices around. There are people who make me cry. Words that agitate. Answers that I keep searching in the dust. Whispers and promises I make to the night. Fears that I hide behind desperate day dreaming. Insecurities, meaninglessness at the back of every hint of an unsure smile. I want to puke everything out. I am just another girl without a god....wanting to be loved a bit more. I will survive every tomorrow without moist eyes one day. I will kill the myths before they become monsters someday. Tonight, as I crawl under washed bed covers and hurled bed sheets….I’ll try not to feel the spasm of doubts again. A shirtless Shahid Kapoor with horses running behind him looks tempting anyway. Kaminey releases today. *drool* I'll move on..soon.